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Wednesday, 28 December 2022

3 Reasons Why Self-Improvement Doesn’t Work (and How to Fix it)

The personal development niche is bigger than ever, with an estimated 10 million self-help books sold every year. But despite its popularity few people actually make real lasting changes in their lives.

There are many traps, pitfalls, and setbacks along the way. I have experienced many of these traps myself. I spent years feeling frustrated by the lack of results. 

Feeling trapped and upset by the lack of progress, I decided to do anything it would take to improve my life circumstances. Through trail and error, and great mentors I finally started to see real change in my life.

Along the way, I identified three main problems that held me back. In this article I will tell you about how I overcame these problems and give some practical steps the get you moving forward. 




Problem #1: Theory without Action

Kicking off with the most insidious problems of them all, and that is being stuck in your head.

Reading is a great activity. It sure beats mindlessly watching Netflix. However, there is a big problem with reading self-help books. 

You might feel as if you are making progress when you read books. You feel as if you possess knowledge that the average person doesn’t have. This can build a false sense of confidence. 

What you know only plays a small part in the bigger picture. It’s how you apply that knowledge that matters. 

In fact, I would go as far as to say, real-world feedback after taking action is far more valuable than anything you could ever learn from a book. 

Use books as an opportunity to learn from other people. What worked for them, and what didn't work?

Remember, true wisdom comes from taking action and learning from your mistakes. Read, but only do so with the intent to apply it in the real world.




Challenge

If you are reading or are about start reading a self-help book, choose a chapter. Then distill down what is being said and translate it into an action. 

If this requires multiple action steps, write down each step you need to take, and in what order. Then, complete the first action as soon as possible (preferably straight away).

Do not continue reading the book until you have completed the action steps. 


Problem #2: Unrealistic Expectations 

We live in a world where instant gratification is promised everywhere. The truth is, the best things in life requires consistent work over a long period of time. 

Overnight successes we are often told about, are the results of years, sometimes decades, of hard work. 

This paints a misleading picture of reality. Yes, there are people that make it big very quickly. But these people are an abnormality, and usually, their success is not very long-lasting. 

Think of it like building a skyscraper. If the foundation isn’t solid, the whole structure will come crashing down as more floors are being added. 

See self-improvement as a marathon, not a sprint to the finish line. 




Challenge

Pick an aspect of your life you want to improve. Write down WHY you want to improve this area of your life. 

If you have a strong why you will be able to battle through any resistance or doubt you will encounter. 

This challenge will tie into the last challenge, but for now, just pick one area of your life as your main focus. 


Problem #3: Lack of Focus

Lack of focus is a modern-day problem most of us are dealing with in one way or another. 

In the context of self-improvement, it’s the desire to improve everything at once. Dating, making money, improving fitness, or getting a better job. Why only choose to improve in one or two areas of life? 

We only have 24 hours a day. On top of that, we have limited amounts of energy, willpower, and focus to use daily.

Therefore, you must prioritise what aspects of life you want to improve. Only focus on three major aspects of your life at a time. These could be, health, career, and social life for example. 

The three major categories can then be subdivided into three subcategories. 

For example, health can be subdivided into eating a healthy diet, going to the gym regularly, and running in the morning.



Challenge 

Pick three main areas of your life you wish to work on. Then subdivide these three main categories into three subcategories. 

Remember, if you are not consistent and change categories every few months, you will not see any progress. 

As with challenge two, write down why you want to improve in these areas. Write them down and place them where you can see your note daily.

Another quick tip that might be useful: 

If you struggle to develop new habits, accountability is a great way of forcing you to take action. 

For example, if you want to go to the gym, get a personal trainer. It makes it harder to skip a gym session knowing someone is waiting for you at the gym.


Summary

Wanting to improve your life is a great and worthy goal. However, making real lasting changes is hard and takes time.

You see results by taking action and learning from real-life feedback, not just from reading. 

Lasting results don't happen by accident. Make a plan, execute and make it happen. If you don’t see results, adjust and repeat the process.

What’s your experience with self-improvement? What were your biggest setbacks and how did you overcome them?




Thursday, 8 December 2022

10 Rules to Win Any Negotiation

To get what you want you must be able to negotiate. It's often a skill that is overlooked and is rarely taught. Yet it's one of the fundamental skills you need to succeed in business along with being able to close sales.

There are no hard rules when negotiating, but here are ten commandments you need to follow to give you the upper hand in any negotiation. 


The 10 Commandments of Negotiation


1. Know When to Stop

Don't negotiate for negotiation's sake. Don't let pride and egos get in the way of making a good deal. 

Know when to stop and get out. Don't bicker over small details that don't matter in the bigger picture. 

In some cultures negotiation is part of everyday life. A price is given, then negotiation is expected. Let’s say you are buying a t-shirt and the asking price is 15 dollars. You think this is too expensive and offer to pay 7 dollars. The vendor counter with 13 dollars, and you then counted with 8 dollars.

At some point, you will be met in the middle. You offer 9,5 dollars and the vendor offers the T-shirt for 10 dollars. At this point, it’s not so much about the money but rather about pride and ego.

Who will give in first? You don’t want to look bad so you walk away empty-handed. Instead, you could have had the t-shirt discounted at 5 dollars, which would have been a great deal if you only would have taken the vendor’s final offer.


2. Have a Pleasing Personality

A whole book could be written on this one point, so we are only going to touch on some key aspects of what makes a personality pleasing. 

a) Have a nice warm welcoming smile

b) Be agreeable. Use the word yes and discard words like no, but, and however.

c) Be mindful of your tone of voice. 33% of communication is through tone of voice, while only 8% make up the words that are being spoken. 

d) Find commonality. We like people that are like us. Find common ground before starting any negotiation. 

e) Have a positive mental attitude. Nobody likes working with a negative person. Always approach business and people with a can-do attitude.


3. Keep a Record of Information

Collecting and recording information when negotiating is essential. Whoever keeps the most information usually wins. 

Keep records of what has been said and store all information about the other side in an organized and systematic way.

A great way to keep information could be a little black book that you carry with you. You could also set up a digital “black book” like Microsoft OneNote or Notion.

The benefit of using a digital system is the amount of information you can enter. Nowadays these softwares have mobile apps, meaning you can access them anywhere.


4. Define Your Goals

We often underestimate how powerful our minds are. One of the reasons we don't realize the full power of our mind is that we rarely clearly state exactly what we want. Stating what you want in written form is incredibly powerful. 

Know exactly what you are looking for so you don't end up with things you don't want or need.

An example would be if you go to a market. You might go there to get one thing, but you might end up leaving with a bunch of other things you don’t need thanks to the sales skill of the vendor. 

In this case, it might not be a big deal, but if you are negotiating bigger purchases, this can have severe financial consequences later on. 


5. Do Your Research

Gain leverage by gathering adequate information before the negotiation. 80% of your time should be spent researching and gathering information, while the remaining 20% should be used to make an offer and close the deal.

Understand that people are driven by self-interest. Conduct research to uncover what is most likely motivating the other side.

For example, ask yourself if the other side is gaining something by selling a product. Do they have a stake in the company that is selling the product?


6. Always Present an Offer of Greater Value

Don't make your offer only about money. What other intangible value can you offer? Can you solve a problem for the other side? Will there be more future business opportunities? 

A great way of adding extra value to a proposition is to throw in bonuses that are of no great cost to you but can be of value to the other side.

Business is a value exchange. Money is just a by-product of that value exchange. Therefore, focus more on the intangibles, like building a great relationship. Put your best foot forward and be a pleasant person to work with. 


7. Limit the Number of Concessions You Give

In negotiation, there is a metric called the rate of concession. A person with a higher rate of concession usually ends up losing the negotiation. 

Do not give away concessions easily as it will compromise your value proposal. When you give concessions, give something small and ask for something (or multiple things) in return. 

For example, don’t be the first to lower the price of the things you are selling. This will make it seem less valuable. Always be hesitant to lower your price and only do so if they can give you something in return.


8. Take What You Want, Give What They Need

There are wants and then there are needs. Usually, the other side will start the negotiation by stating their wants. Try to peel back the layers of what is being said and find out what they need instead. 

Aim to give them what they need while you take what you want. Whoever gets both their needs and wants met wins the negotiation. 

For example, if someone is selling their property they might only need 80 000 dollars to break even or walk away with a small profit, but they want 100 000 dollars. 

 Ask questions and try to get an understanding of the situation so you only give what they need in the end.


9. Use Non-Linear Time to Your Advantage

Slow down, speed up, take a break or go backward as you see fit. Be unpredictable and manipulate time to your advantage. When they want to go fast, you go slow. When they want to go slow, you go fast.

Putting pressure with limited time usually evoke an emotional response, not a logical one, in most people. Don't be afraid to put things on hold during a deadlock and resume negotiations later. 

Time is one of your most valuable assets. By controlling time you will also appear more powerful. Manipulate time as you see fit.


10. Understand Human Nature and Irrationality 

Us humans like to fancy ourselves as rational creatures. Nothing could be further from the truth. Ask anyone in sales or marketing. 

To become good at negotiating you must understand the irrationality of human nature. Speak to people's emotions, not their logic when negotiating. 

For example, if you are negotiating the price of a product don’t appeal to the features of the product. Talk about how owning the product would make them FEEL and how others will perceive them once they have obtained the product instead.



Here's a quick recap:

1. Know When to Stop

2. Have a Pleasing Personality

3. Keep a Record of Information

4. Define Your Goals

5. Do Your Research

6. Always Present an Offer of Greater Value

7. Limit the Number of Concessions You Give

8. Take What You Want, Give What They Need

9. Use Non-Linear Time to Your Advantage

10. Understand Human Nature and Irrationality


Summary

Knowing how to negotiate is not only a business skill but a life skill. The 10 commandments of negotiation are a great starting point for anyone who wishes to master the art of negotiation. 

Credit goes to Stefan Aarnio and his book X: Negotiation. If you want to dive deeper into the topic of negotiation I would highly recommend his book.

Do you agree with these 10 commandments? What do you think is important when negotiating?

Monday, 28 November 2022

Increase Focus and Productivity in 3 Simple Steps

A clear mind is essential for an optimal workflow. With an ever-increasing demand for higher productivity output, you need an edge to outperform your competition. 

How you manage your energy throughout the day is an aspect of productivity that is often overlooked.

We have a limited amount of energy to spend every day and we get to decide how we spend it. Most of our energy we needlessly waste. Therefore, I will be sharing three steps to manage your energy so you can increase your focus and productivity. 



1. Clean Environment = Clear Mind

You might think cleaning up will leave you less time for actual work. The opposite is actually true. 

Your environment reflects your state of mind and vice versa. Hence, a clean and organized workspace corresponds to clear thinking, which in turn means more effective execution of your tasks. 


2. De-Clutter All Your Devices

Like your physical environment, your digital environment should also be clean and organized. 

I disagree with many self-help gurus saying that you should delete all social media. I'd say, remove all social media apps instead, but keep your accounts (as these can be useful for keeping in touch with contacts or promoting your business).

Removing these apps stops you from taking quick peeks at your phone throughout the day. Checking your phone, even if it's a quick glance, is distracting and disrupts your focus.

Taking things one step further, I would also recommend that you remove your email apps. I found more peace of mind by checking my email via my computer browser at specific times during the day.


3. Step Away from Your Phone

Another thing I would advise is to hide away your phone when working. Even with the apps deleted and the phone on “Do not disturb”, there still is the temptation to check for messages. 

Next time you are working put your phone in another room if possible. At the very least have it facing down and out of reach. 

Again, this goes back to the idea that “just quickly” checking your phone will cause a distraction that will negatively affect your ability to focus for a long period afterward.



Action Steps

1. Throw away things you don't use or store them out of sight. You want as little stuff as possible laying around in your workspace. 

Also, make sure your workspace is clean. Clean surfaces and vacuum the floor. You want your workspace to be in peak condition every day.

2. Remove all apps you haven't used on your phone and tablet in the last 6 months as well as social media apps and email apps. It's going to be hard, I know. But try it for a week. If you find that you can't live without your email or social media apps, you can always reinstall them. 

Also, remove all software shortcuts on your desktop that you are not using frequently. 

3. Make it a habit to put your phone in "Do not disturb" mode when working. Also, leave your phone in another room. If you can't do that, turn your phone face down and out of reach. 


Summary

The above steps might seem trivial. However, you may be shocked to find out how big of a difference these steps can make in your ability to focus and increase your productivity output. 

These steps are easy to implement and yield a high return on investment. Try it out today and see if you notice a difference in your performance. 

Have you tried any of these steps yourself? Did you experience an increase in focus or productivity?

Wednesday, 16 November 2022

4 Easy Steps to Memorize Anything (Forever)

Whether you are trying to memorise someone’s name or a speech, there are simple techniques you can use to recall and stores information like a pro. 

Did you know that all of us have the same capacity to remember and recall information? The problem lies in the fact that most of us use the worst possible technique for remembering information. And that is by repeating it over and over again, so-called rote memory.

Before I will show you how to improve your capacity to remember and retain information, I want you to know that there is no such thing as a bad memory. Bad memory is a consequence of storing and recalling information in a sub-optimal way. 

Therefore, step one in the process is simply to stop telling yourself that you have a bad memory, because that is simply not true. Instead, say you are working on improving your memory (which is true since you are reading this article).

With that out of the way, let's learn how to drastically improve your memory.


Why Repeating Information is Ineffective

Before I reveal the method world champion memory champions use, we first need to understand how our mind works. 

The brain and the way it functions have been developed and refined through hundreds of thousands of years of evolution. Throughout most of human history, we didn’t use the complex language that we use today. There was no need for it. As civilizations formed and grew more complex in the last few thousand of years, language evolved along with it. 

This means that consuming complex language in the form of written text is a relatively new occurrence for us humans. As such, the brain has not had the time to develop to optimally deal with today's information overload. 

The way most of us tackle this problem is by rereading information multiple times until the information “sticks”. The problem with this method is that it's ineffective, doesn't produce a long-lasting memory, and is not an accurate way of retaining information.

For example, can you vividly recall a book you read 10 years ago word for word? Unless you are exceptionally gifted, probably not. 

However, you probably can vividly remember images all the way back to your childhood. Not only that, but most likely you can recall these memories in great detail. If it’s an especially fond memory you might recall how you felt at the time. You might also remember sensory experiences like how things smelled or tasted. 

Here lies the big secret to flawless memorization, don't try to memorize words, memorize images instead!

Your brain has evolved to recognize environments and patterns in those environments with great precision (as there was an evolutionary need for being able to do so). 

We can use these evolutionary features of the brain to our advantage when we are trying to memorize important information. 


Mnemonic Devices 

Enough theory, let's put this information into practice. We are going to use an example to learn the technique. The word we will be memorizing is Trichotillomania

For anyone that is curious, Trichotillomania is a phenomenon where people have an unexplained desire to pull out their own hair, eyelashes, and eyebrows. 

I think this example is perfect as you probably already have a strong image of what that would look like in your mind. You might also have a strong emotion linked to this phenomenon, which is great since this will only enhance the likelihood of the memory sticking in your mind. 

We are now going to memorize this word by using our technique which is divided into 4 steps.

1. Divide the word into multiple smaller words

First, we need to break down the word into smaller parts. The word Trichotillomania is very long and it will be easier to “manage” the word if we break it down. Below I have broken down the word into 5 parts:

Tri - cho - till - o - mania

The reason we do this will be apparent as we continue the memorization process, so bear with me. 


2. Associate words with images

Next, we need to look at the smaller broken-up parts of the words and try to associate them with an image. Preferably an object, person, or something you can clearly visualize in your mind's eye. 

The important thing is that the image you associate the words with makes sense to you! So there is no right or wrong way of doing this.

In this example, I will associate Tri with three (three of something). Cho with the actor John Cho. In this case, we can picture three exact copies of John Cho. 

I will then associate Till with Till Lindemann from Rammstein. 

For O I will picture a large pool shaped like an O. 

And finally, for mania, I will associate with a maniac (like the Joker laughing hysterically). 


3. Create a vivid scene

To memorize the word effectively you need to make it memorable so it’s easy to recall. The scene needs to really stand out in your mind. If the scene you create is “too ordinary”, the technique won’t work. 

To illustrate how this work. Think about what you had for dinner 1 year ago. Most likely you won't remember unless something special happened during that dinner. For example, if you had dinner with the president of the USA one year ago, you would probably remember that event vividly. 

That's because this event was out of the ordinary hence your mind flagged it as something worth remembering. 

This is the key when you are memorizing your word and the scene you attach to it. It needs to stand out. 

We accomplish this by painting a short but strange and unusual scene in our mind. Use the images we associated with the parts of the word we are trying to memorize to create a scene. 

Remember, the crazier the scene is, the more likely it is you will remember it. 

It's also important that the scene is short and happens within a time frame of seconds. The whole scene should be quick and snappy.


4. Create a definite ending

When you have composed the scene, there needs to be a definite ending to the scene. Don't skip this part as it's important to know when the scene ends. If you leave it open-ended, it can be difficult to accurately recall the word and you might doubt if there is more to the scene and if you are missing anything. 

An ending could be as simple as things blowing up. Or a ton of bricks lands on the subjects in the scene. You can get creative here. The more cartoonish and unreal the ending, the better. 


One final tip to make the scene really stand out is to involve as many senses as possible. 

The more senses you involve in the creation of the scene, the more likely it is to stick in your mind. 

Now let's put it all together.


Example

Three exact copies of the actor John Cho are standing on the edge of the moon. Behind him Till Lindemann from Rammstein runs up behind them. He is wearing a pink ballerina dress. He pushes them so they fall screaming down into a giant O-shaped pool. 

As they fall toward the pool a maniac (The Joker for example) is waiting for them laughing hysterically. As the three John Cho's hit the pool it explodes. The end!

Breakdown of the scene

This scene contains a few important elements, so let's break it down. First, we have three exact copies of the actor John Cho (pick someone you are familiar with and whose name you know by heart). This indicates the first two parts of the word "Tricho". 

Then Till Lindemann comes running up behind them in a pink ballerina dress (this style of clothing will make Till stand out in our scene). You can also add a sound to the action. For example, if Till is running you can imagine a swoosh sound as he moves forward. 

We now have "Trichotill". 

Finally, the three John Cho's are falling toward the O-shaped pool, where the maniac is laughing hysterically. As they hit the pool the whole thing explodes. We now have the whole word Trichotillomania.

This all might seem confusing at first, but with practice, this will become second nature. You just need to exercise your imagination muscle a bit. 

Initially, this process will feel a bit awkward. But the reason why it's worth memorizing a word in this way is that it allows you to memorize a lot of information accurately. Also, this information can then be recalled easily a long time after you have memorized it. 

Now it's your turn to practice what we learned.


Practical Exercise

Practice memorizing the following 3 names and words. Use the 4-step formula as explained above. 

Try memorizing the name of this actor: Chiwetel Ejiofor

Next, try to memorize this medical term for stomach growl: Borborygmi

Finally, memorize this musical term: Pianissimo


Remember to follow the 4-step formula:

1. Subdivide the word into smaller parts

2. Create an image or reference to each of the smaller parts

3. Compose a scene (make it crazy and vivid involving as many senses as possible)

4. Create a definite ending to the scene


Memory Palace

Another problem with memorizing information is that they are not grounded in anything. The information is just floating around in your mind. This makes it hard to retrieve the information. 

It's like randomly throwing your keys into your living room. Instead, it would be a better idea to have a designated place for your keys where you always put them. That way you don't have to run around in your living room fumbling around looking for the keys every time you need them.

We are once again going to use our brains' excellent visual memory for this, more specifically its spacial memory. 

Our brain is very good at memorizing spaces accurately. Even if you haven't been in a place for a long time, I'm sure you have an idea of how the space was structured and where all the biggest objects were placed. 

We will now create something called a Mind Palace. In our mind palace, we can store our memories. 


For example, if you need to memorize work-related information, using your work environment as a mind palace would make sense. 

You can then create a system where you designate one room per category of information.

When you select a room, imagine yourself standing at the entrance of the room. Find no more than 8 spots to place your memories per room. Always place the memory scenes in a clockwise manner. 

You simply place your memory scene on furniture in the room.

The important thing is that you create a system that you always use when you are storing information in your mind palace.

Let's put this into practice with an exercise.


Practical Exercise

Pick a room in your house. 

Place the memory scenes as described above. In this case, it will only be 3 scenes you need to place in your room. 

For a certain period of time, see if you can recall the memories whenever you walk into the room. Notice how easy or difficult it was to recall the memories.

Of course, you don't have to physically be in the room to recall the memories, but going into the room can act as a trigger to help you remember practicing the technique. 


Make Your Memories Permanent 

The final step of the memorization process only applies if you want to store the information you've memorized permanently. 


The way you are going to do this is by recalling your scenes from memory without any written aid. No peeking on notes or anything. 


Do this recall at several specific times. 


Do the first recall, the day after you composed the memory scene. Next, recall the memory a week after the creation of the memory. Then you wait 1 month to recall it. And finally, you wait 3 months. 


If you can recall the memory with perfect clarity this memory will be permanent (or so my mentor who taught me this told me). 


Obviously, you need to put a system in place to remind yourself of doing the recalls. That's completely up to you how you want to do that. 



Practical Exercise

This exercise is optional, but if you really want to memorize the words I gave you, you can use the method described above. 

However, I would much rather that you select some words you actually want to memorize and go through the process. Then come back here and do this final exercise. That way this exercise will be of actual value to you. 


Summary

I have now shared one of the biggest keys to memorizing long complicated words. This is just the tip of the iceberg and there are so many more techniques you can use to improve your memory. 

This technique will take some time to get used to, but once you have the technique down, you'll have a very powerful memory technique at your disposal.

Have you tried the exercises? Did it help you to better recall long and difficult words and names? 



Saturday, 5 November 2022

Book Analysis: Psycho-Cybernetics


Rating: 9/10


Introduction

The self-help industry is booming right now, and as a result, there are endless options for books on how to improve your life. It can however be difficult to find books of real value in a sea of mediocre books. 

But once in a while, a book comes along that is not only worth your time but has the potential to radically change your life for the better. In my opinion, Psycho-Cybernetics is such a book. 

It's a great read for anyone who is serious about improving their life circumstances. With a focus on practical exercises, this is not just a book to be read but to be studied and applied. 

Psycho-Cybernetics is the OG of self-help books. It was written by Dr. Maxwell Maltz, a plastic surgeon in the mid-1950s. It’s often credited as the book that laid the foundation for the self-help movement as we know it today.

The idea for Psycho-Cybernetics started in Maltz's plastic surgeon practice, where he noticed something interesting. He noted that after cosmetic surgery the patient's internal state did not change along with their new improved look. Many people, that previously had deformed faces or unattractive physical features, still held the same internal image of themselves as before the surgery. 

Throughout Maltz's career, he saw the same patterns repeatedly. As someone without formal training in psychology, he had some rather unique insights. He would later compile these insights into a theory he called Psycho-Cybernetics. He got the word cybernetics from communication science, which describes the automatic control system in both machines and living things. 


Your Self-Image is Shaped by Your Experience

There are many great concepts in Psycho-Cybernetics, but the core concept is that of self-image and how it determines the outcomes of one's life. 

Self-image is to a large degree shaped by our experiences. At a young age, we're programmed by our environment through our experiences and by observing our parents and the people around us. The word programming is used deliberately here. Like a machine is programmed to operate somewhat automatically, so are our minds. 

A habit is an example of mental programming. Habits are of great significance in our lives as they will determine how we behave in our daily life. Good habits will keep us moving toward success while bad habits will hinder progress and have the opposite effect.

Maltz argues that habits stem from our self-image. For example, if you have a positive self-image of someone who is professional and wealthy, you will make sure to clean and groom yourself to make yourself presentable first thing in the morning. You might exercise and eat clean to maintain your energy levels throughout your busy work day.

All these things will be done more or less without much thought as they correspond to your character.

The opposite is also true. If your self-image is negative, your habits will reflect that as well. This type of person might wake up late, eat an unhealthy breakfast or skip brushing their teeth because that is in accordance with their self-image.

This explains why many techniques designed to change your life fail. Often these techniques do not address the root cause, which in many cases can be linked to your self-image.

So how does one change their self-image? 

Luckily, Maltz not only gives us the theory, but he also gives practical exercises we can start using straight away.

Practical Application

Write down your daily habits. Ask yourself: “Are these habits pushing me towards my goals or are they NOT in alignment with who I’m trying to become?”

Remove or alter at least one of your habits to better align with your overarching goal.


You Are Built to Succeed

The first concept he brings up is what he calls the success mechanism.

Within everyone, there is a success mechanism as well as a failure mechanism. Most people are familiar with the latter, but few utilize the former. 

How do birds know where to fly during winter? It's not through experience. Even newborn birds can navigate their way to warmer climates during winter.

The answer is, they are programmed to behave a certain way. Just like a deer can walk immediately after birth, it was programmed to do so. This is the success mechanism in action.

Humans also follow a programmed mental script but ours is less rigid and can be shaped according to our own desires. 

The privilege we humans have, that animals do not have, is the ability to choose our own goals. By selecting a definite goal, we are using our success mechanism for the attainment of something we desire. Just like a heat-seeking missile, we have now given our minds a goal to work towards.

By constantly affirming our goals, we are essentially programming ourselves. When our goal has been reaffirmed sufficiently, it will reach the level of the subconscious mind. When the goal is accepted by the subconscious it becomes part of our persona and we start to act automatically in accordance with that persona. 

Practical Application

Spend one whole day observing your thoughts. Make it your number-one priority that day. Don’t try to change your thoughts, just observe them. 

At the end of the day, sit down in a quiet place where you will not be disturbed. Close your eyes and relax. Try to recall as many thoughts as you can. Were they positive or mostly negative? Did you notice any thought patterns that kept coming up?

Thoughts are the seeds that with time bloom into action and habits. The habits will determine our character which in turn will determine the outcome of our life. 

This exercise alone can be eye-opening and may be followed by other exercises to alter our thought patterns (which won’t be described here as it is a very big and complex topic). 


Real Change Takes Time

Great change doesn’t happen overnight. It takes time, consistency, and a willingness to change. The best way to approach change is to set a big goal to strive towards and then break it down into actionable steps, or smaller goals. 

By breaking down your big goals into smaller goals, the larger goal seems more attainable. It must be a goal you think you can achieve. By focusing on this sub-goal continuously you activate your success mechanism. 

Don’t focus too much on HOW you will obtain the goal, but just keep focusing on the goal. Also, keep in mind what type of person you would need to become to fulfill the goal. You can ask yourself: “What would the type of person I’m trying to become do in this situation?”

Take action that you think will get you to your goal. Correct your actions as you go. You will most likely not get things right on the first attempt. This is part of the process. Keep focusing on the end goal no matter what and trust the process. 

If done correctly you will have new ideas and insights as you work towards your goals. Act on those insights and see where it takes you. Slowly you will change your habits to optimize the path toward your goal. The important thing is to start with something small that you believe you can achieve. 

For example, if you say you are going to be a millionaire within one week, your subconscious knows you are lying. Instead, you could start by saying you will earn an extra 50 dollars in the coming week. 

When you then have achieved your goal, you can set a new, more ambitious goal. As you keep proving to yourself that you can make money outside your work you might start to identify more and more opportunities to grow your income.

Practical Application

Set one big goal. Let’s use the goal of doubling your salary as an example. 

Work your way backward and break down your goal into actionable steps. Do you need to get a new job? Is it possible to even double your salary in the current field you are working in? Do you need to create a side income?

When you have broken down your goal into actionable steps, you should now have a list of things you can start doing right now. Don’t wait, start taking the first step toward your goal right now. 


Why Most People Never Get What They Want

The most powerful tool we possess is our ability to imagine things and events. Our imagination will either work for us or against us. 

If you keep imagining negative outcomes, you will get more of that. I'm sure we all have friends or family (or maybe you have experienced this) who just seem to attract bad luck. Likewise, maybe you have observed people where the opposite is true. Good things just keep coming their way!

Your subconscious mind, which is your control center for automatic actions, doesn’t distinguish between negative or positive thoughts. If it keeps seeing the same thought patterns repeatedly, it will accept them as truth. 

A single thought won’t change your subconscious mind (thank god), but thoughts that are repeated over and over again with conviction eventually will. 

That's why it's so important to observe your thoughts. Most people never stop to analyze their thoughts and just go about their day without much self-reflection. 

From personal experience, I can confirm that true change in one's life starts at the level of the mind. Fix your mind, and the right actions will follow. It may sound simple, but changing thought patterns are extremely difficult and require a lot of energy. But it’s worth it!

Practical Application

Spend at least 10 minutes (preferably twice a day) visualizing a scene where your first smaller goal is realized. 

A lot of teachers suggest that you visualize your big goal every day. I personally disagree and would argue that your subconscious will reject any mental images that seem too far away from the current reality. 

To make it easier to obtain your goal, visualize you obtaining the first sub-goal. Paint a scene of what it would look like and feel like when you have accomplished your goal. 

Visualizing your goals like this might seem trivial, but from personal experience, I can tell you it makes a big difference.


Summary

Many self-help books (especially those dealing with the law of attraction) appeal to our laziness. They offer quick solutions to difficult problems.

Books like Psycho-Cybernetics offer practical and realistic solutions for changing your life. The reason most self-help advice does not work is that they often overlook a major source of many issues, your self-image. 

A great insight to have is, everything in your life is just as it should be, simply because you are acting in accordance with how you see yourself. 

Changing yourself for the better takes dedicated work for long periods of time. Psycho-Cybernetics offers a practical and proven way to make a real change in your life. 

Here are my 4 main takeaways from the book:

  • Your self-image will determine what kind of life you will live. If you want real change in your life, you need to work on your self-image
  • To reach your goals, you need to set clearly defined goals and break them down into actionable steps you can start working on right now.
  • Your imagination is the most powerful tool available to you. Use it to visualize your desired outcome. This is not a substitute for taking action but should be done along with taking consistent action. 
  • You become what you do repeatedly. Learn to identify the habits that serve you and remove any habits that hinder your progress.

Have you read Psycho-Cybernetics? More importantly, have you tried the exercises in the book? Leave your thoughts in the comments below.


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